A sad ending

On Saturday, I was very excited to tell my cow story.

Driving to pilates class at 8am, I met a cow head on in the middle of Market Street. I stopped my car, the cow walked around and continued on its path up Market Street. The cow looked confused and had a bloody nose. Someone needed to take it where it belonged.

When I got to pilates class, a deputy had pulled a car over in front of the studio. So, I interrupted him and told him about the cow. I explained that I saw it on Market Street and it appeared to be heading east. I told my cow tale at pilates class and at Mir's slumber party.

Today, I was sad to find out that the cow, which turned out to be a bull, was shot and killed on Court Square. The police said it was the only way to handle the situation since the bull had damaged a car and scared some people. The officer said that tranquilizing the bull was not an option because it contaminates the meat.

When I worked at the local TV station, we would get police reports full of "livestock running at large" entries. Now, I worry that so many of them ended like my tragic cow story.

With all of the livestock that gets loose in the city and county, I would hope that the local authorities would find a better way of handling these situations.

Shout out to Mir

Happy 31st birthday to Mir!

Mir and I met covering city council and school board meetings a few years ago. We enjoyed mocking the meetings, other media types and exchanging "oh no she/he didn't" glances. Being the lone liberals in an overly conservative town made it easy to become instant friends.

Since those meetings, we've both moved on to other careers in different cities. But we continue to share a love of coffee and wine, shopping at Target, Project Runway, hating people who ban porn and other general tomfoolery.

We just celebrated Mir's big day with a classic slumber party. Highlights included adult Mad Libs, six bottles of champagne, beer, half a bottle of saki, shots, tons of junk food, including Little Debbie snackcakes, bad movies and power ballads. In addition, someone left early, someone woke up with permanent marker on her forehead, someone vomitted, someone left in the middle of the night and everyone had a blast.

It was a great way to kick off a new year, full of possibilities and fun. Thirty-one will be a good year, Mir. Enjoy every minute!

Daily Rant

This morning on my drive into work, I saw a car with a gazillion of those car magnet things that are supposed to look like ribbons. Rather than hanging the magnets like a ribbon would hang if pinned on a shirt, the person lined the magnets up like Jesus fish.

This annoyed the shit out of me.

After passing that car, I landed behind another one -- "God Bless America" and "Relay for Life." Again, turned sideways, resembling Jesus fish.

As I looked around, I was surrounded in a sea of Jesus-fish "ribbons" telling me to "Find a Cure" and "Support the Troops."

I don't know if I'm more annoyed by all the crazy car "ribbons" or that people put them sideways.

Another Amyversary

It's the 25th of the month, which means it's time for another Amyversary.

The Amyversary marks a shift in the relationship between me and Joey. We had been roommates for about six months when I invited him to my grandparents' 50th anniversary party on March 25, 2001.

While on the trip, we were forced to sleep together one night because of all of the relatives in town. That night, Joey kissed me on the forehead and everything changed.

After weeks of "what are we doing," I broke up with the guy I had been dating and Joey asked me on a date. We went to our favorite restaurant, watched a movie, made out and dozed off on the couch.

It's been that perfect ever since.

You Better Run, Forrest

Since Jerry Crab refuses to write about running, I'll fill the void.

The 10-miler is coming up in 10 weeks and I'm half way there. Over the weekend, I ran five miles on Saturday and three miles on Sunday. I did both runs in decent times. I should feel good, right?

I don't. I hate running. I suck at it. And, every time I do it I feel like ass.

I don't know why I'm so obsessed with it. Despite how much I hate it, I'm determined to run a marathon after I do the 10-miler. That's right. The elusive 26.2 miles. It's silly. It most likely won't happen. I guess I want to prove that it's good for me and, eventually, I'll get better at it.

But, I'm not. I'm still slow, ache for days, can't sleep at night and want to kick Forrest Gump in the shins.

Movin' On Up

After nine months at my new job, I have been promoted. My day-to-day work will be roughly the same, only with more time to do exclusive stories and, perhaps, travel. I got a raise and should get bigger bonuses.

Getting this promotion made me reflect on how my work life has changed over the past year. I worked normal hours. I got holidays plus three weeks off. I reported on stories throughout my days, but took time to workout, take guitar lessons or just wander around town. I made more money than I ever had for a much smaller amount of work.

I'm not complaining; it's weird and nice.

I can never say enough nice things about my new place of work. And, I think it's because the five years prior were less than kind. Most who read this blog either worked in the same place or in the same industry and know what I'm talking about: no pay, no time off, no sleep, no life, no respect. The only thing it had going for it was a small group of smart, funny friends.

Here's to working for a progressive, employee-focused company and for moving away from crappy management, crappy schedules and crappy pay!

The Real Biggest Loser

Last night, I really needed to go to bed early. Earnings season is underway and I needed to be at work by 7:30 am. Much to my dismay, I stayed up until after 11pm because of my fascination with a number of horrible reality shows.

It started with "Skating with Celebrities" and "The Biggest Loser --Special Edition." I don't need to tell you how bad these shows are, but at one point Todd Bridges said to a skating judge, "What you talkin' bout!" He couldn't add "Willis," because he is Willis...He used Arnold's catch phrase. And, the audience laughed. In my opinion, Bridges proved to be the Evander Holyfield (of "Dancing with the Stars") of the skating world.

After flipping back and fourth over the hour, I turned to Bravo for "Project Runway." During commercial breaks, I jumped to "Tyra" where Miss Jay, of "America's Next Top Model" fame, taught some random girl to walk. (Note to self: Keep shoulders level. Swing arms in front of body. Swoosh hips. One foot in front of the other.) It was during this hour that I realized all these reality shows encompass all of my secret fantasies.

As a child, and as an adult, I loved Elsa Clinch. I wanted to be designing the clothes featured on her CNN segments and walking down the runway in them. A part of me has always wanted to be able to ice skate; I've even taken a lesson. I'm definitely someone who will try anything to lose weight, except diet and exercise, and envy those who succeed.

Thanks to the wonderful world of cable, several of my other fantasies have been fulfilled: "Growing up Gotti," "Gastineau Girls," "My Fair Brady," "Design on a Dime," etc.

I think this loser needs to move into "The Real World" and give herself an "Extreme Makeover"... Maybe I'll start with an "Extreme Makeover: Home Edition" and move the TV out of my bedroom.

Cure for the common cold?

My office had its holiday party on Saturday. I really wasn't feeling that up to it due to the cold but went anyway.

I had a great time hanging out with the folks from work that I enjoy and mocking those that I don't really care for. I wore a great dress of my mom's from the early 80s, drank way too much and threw up the majority of the drive home.

Miraculously, I woke up Sunday morning without my cold. However, I was suffering from a hangover. That, too, has passed.

As a result of the night's events, I think I either killed my cold via massive amounts of alcohol in the form of wine, or vomited it out of my system.

Either way, it's good to be feeling like my old self.

Colds suck

For the first time in 2006, I have a cold.

Colds aren't my thing. I don't get them. I sometimes have allergy problems, the occasional headache, but not colds. When I get sick, I like to get sick: vomiting, high fever, required bed rest for a week. Colds are just annoying.

I'm trying to go on about my daily business. For example, I decided to train for the C'ville 10-miler on Saturday. I was, by far, the slowest runner of the group. I'm not sure I can blame it on the cold. I completed the run, but felt like ass afterwards. Sunday, I finally took down the Christmas tree and did laundry. Today, I'm at work, hopped up on DayQuil and writing at a snails pace.

I really don't have a point to this post. I'm just tired of the medicine-head feeling, the extra effort it takes to accomplish simple tasks and the overall sense of blah. So there. Blah.

Emmett Who?

While reading about everyone's favorite Christmas/holiday movies, I was shocked to discover that no one mentioned Emmett Otter's Jug-Band Christmas. As a child, I looked forward to this Jim Henson musical every year. In college, my roommate Suzy had the VHS and we would watch it all year long.

Since no one mentioned it, and The Roommate had no idea what I was talking about, I did some random polling around the office. No one had ever heard of Emmett Otter or his Jug-Band Christmas. Again, shocked.

The story centers on a poor otter family that risks everything in order to win the cash prize of a talent contest. For once, Ma Otter and Emmett want to give each other a nice Christmas. I won't go into too much detail and spoil the ending for you. But, it's full of great music, a heartwarming story and the early muppet days when you could still see strings.

I just purchased the special edition DVD, which is not exactly like the original but still has the same schmaltzy story of a poor otter and his mom trying to make ends meet.

I highly recommend that all you Rudolf and Christmas Vacation fans watch it. Let me know if you need to borrow it... Or, if you feel like taking a chance like Emmett and his Ma, you can order it on Amazon for $7.99.

New Year, New Resolutions

Most people struggle and ultimately fail at resolutions. Not me. Each year I resolve to do things that I can easily achieve. Year after year, I decide that I won't start smoking; I won't eat carrots; and I'll refuse to eat mayonnaise on sandwiches.

But, this year I've decided to make a real resolution or two.

1. I'm going to get my passport. I haven't traveled out of the country since 2000. At that time, I went to Bermuda. I entered the country with a birth certificate and drivers license that didn't have matching names or dates. Since 9/11, that mode of entering countries doesn't work. So, I'm determined to get a new birth certificate with the correct spelling of my name, a new drivers license with my correct birth date and, eventually, a passport.

2. I'm going to travel to a new country or state -- the state is a back up in case I don't get my passport until the end of the year. Every year, I go to the same old places and do the same old things... This is relaxing and enjoyable, but I've decided I need to venture out of my traveling comfort zone and see some new sights.

These new resolutions seem somewhat simple and I think I can keep them. As a back up, I will continue to resolve my usual things -- no smoking, carrots or mayo.

Christmas in the other Virginia

I love going home for the holidays for the usual reasons -- family, friends, blah, blah, blah. But, West Virginia has more to offer than traditional things. The Mountain State has a uniqueness all of its own, which keeps me feeling holly jolly year after year.

Here are four reasons (minus the usuals) for going home:

4. Christmas in the Park. This is a horrible display of lights, which have little to do with the holiday. Every year, the local vo-tech kids put up lights that are twisted and wired up to reflect a shark swimming through the grass, a golfer chipping onto a green, deer jumping across the road, kid favorites such as Barney and SpongeBob, among others. The park gets $250 million in donations for this craptastic event, all of which goes towards keeping it running year after year.

3. Pork Chop Biscuits. I've never eaten a pork chop biscuit, but I like the fact that I can go home and get one at the local Hardee's. It's not seasonal, but Christmas is usually when we joke about eating pork chop biscuits for breakfast, washing 'em down with some Bud Light, and following it all with Marlboro cigarettes.

2. Obesity. Number four sort of explains number three. I feel so skinny and physically fit when I go home. West Virginia is full of fat fat fat people that eat pork chop biscuits, drink Bud Light and smoke Marlboro cigarettes.

1. Inflatable yard ornament wars. Southern West Virginia is a depressing place. One way people brighten up the holiday is by buying inflatable yard ornaments. Houses compete to have the biggest, the best and the most. It's just not Christmas until I see more than 100 huge inflatable yard ornaments decorating a yard. It's better than Christmas in the Park.

This may sound somewhat depressing and/or cynical... But, I am sincere when I say that it just wouldn't be Christmas without each reason that has nothing to do with the season.