Knittin' Fool

When I first started knitting, I only wanted to make scarves, hats and mittens -- useful things in the winter. Knitwear keeps us warm. It made sense.

That's all changed. Now I'm a huge fan of knitting totally useless accoutrements.

It all started with a cell phone cozy. I had some left over yarn; I thought it would be a fun gift. Then, I knitted my second cell phone cozy. It's even better than the first one!

Now, I'm branching out into iPod cozies.

Everyone on my list will be getting some sort of useless knitwear for the holidays. So, don't expect a scarf, a hat or some mittens. You'll be getting a cell phone cozy, iPod cozy, beer cozy or whatever other type of cozy I can create.

Damn the Wind; Damn the Local News

I didn't sleep at all last night due to crazy loud wind whirling around my house. I dragged myself downstairs this morning to find the garbage cans in the yard, my bike on its side and a few shingles no longer on the roof. I was surprised not to find a bunch of little people, a yellow brick road and a dead witch.

This was some serious wind. It must be causing downed trees and powerlines, I thought. So, I rushed in the house and turned on the local news to find out what the heck was going on.

But, there was nothing going on -- only a mention that it might be breezy.

BREEZY! I picked up the phone ready to call the local news station to give 'em the what for. Shouldn't they be warning of the apocalypse with wind like that?

Then, I paused to remember all the crazies that used to call me during the wee hours of the morning about everything I was missing, weather and otherwise.

I put the phone down and gave thanks that I no longer work for a crappy local TV station.

Guilty as Charged

I went home the weekend before last in an effort to smooth over the whole I'm-not-coming-home-for-Thanksgiving thing.

It didn't work.

Now, I've been summoned to help decorate the Christmas tree. So, for the second time in three weeks, I'll return home despite the 5.5 hour drive each way, not having any gas money, my messy house and growing pile of laundry and the lack of sleep that I will get that weekend. Due to other obligations, I can't leave until Saturday morning and will return before work on Monday, which means I'll have to leave my parents house at 3:00 a.m.

Guilt is a powerful thing, especially during the holiday season.

Fox Foxed It Up

Over the weekend, I rewatched Wonderfalls. This smart, hilarious show centers around an over-educated, under-employed Brown graduate named Jaye Tyler. Bucking the trend set by her highly successful family, Jaye lives in a trailer park in Niagara Falls where she works as gift shop retail clerk.

In the first episode, Jaye sort of goes over the edge and inanimate objects start to speak to her. She follows their instructions and, much to her dismay, good things happen.

While this may not sound like a homerun, the show is witty, dark and wonderful. It makes me remember a time when Fox went out on a limb and made hits out of shows like In Living Color, Married with Children and The Simpsons. While I'm not a huge fan of In Living Color or Married with Children, Fox knew how to market the them, where to place them and how to get them the attention they deserved. And, I don't even need to discuss The Simpsons because it's still on the air and continues to be ridiculously popular.

Why can't Fox do the same thing with shows like Wonderfalls or Arrested Development? Fox has become a death wish for smart shows and a breeding ground for crap.

By crap, I mean Prison Break.

Prison Break RERUNS replaced Arrested Development...And it's horrible! The actors can't act. The writing is terrible. The only thing it has going for it is the how-the-heck-are-they-going-to- break-out-of-that-prison factor.

The bottom line is that I hate Fox and it Foxing up good shows.

A Big "Thank You" for Discovery Channel

Thank goodness for the Discovery Channel's It Takes A Thief. Without this show, I don't think I would have known how to break into the home where I dog sit.

I locked myself out for a second time, again in pajamas and with a dog. I asked myself, "What would Matt Johnston do?" Johnston serves as the thief on Thief. Typically, his first action: look for weak points on the house.

First, I checked all the doors. No luck. I actually locked them this time. Second, windows. The deck windows were easily accessible and located in a dark spot on the house, which faces the woods. On the deck, I found a window with a loose screen. Bingo! My entry point.

I pulled out the screen, but still had no idea if the window was unlocked. I was in luck. After pushing up on the glass, the window opened and I was in.

Who knew that breaking into a house was so easy?

I was so relieved that I got into the house. Then, I was nervous because I got into the house. If I can do it, anyone can do it. Once the dog and I were in the house, I locked all the doors and windows.

A Heaping Helping of Guilt with a Side of Thanks, Please

On this day of thanksgiving, I find myself dwelling on what a bad daughter, girlfriend and dog/house sitter I am.

When my mom and I finally got in touch with each other, she gave me the, "It's not the same without you," speech. This is the second time that I've missed Thanksgiving with the family; last time, I was home by the day after Thanksgiving.

When she asked my dad if he wanted to wish me a happy Thanksgiving, he said, "No. I'm mad at her."

Meanwhile, the roommate seemed disappointed that I told my parents I'd be spending the holiday dog/house sitting, rather than telling them I'd be spending it with him. This is despite the fact that I spent the majority of Thanksgiving with the dogs and will stay at the house over the weekend.

Unfortunately, not even the dog/house sitting gig is working out. I locked myself and two of the dogs out of the house. Of course, I was in pajamas, knew no one in the neighborhood, had no cell phone and wasn't sure how to break into the house... Luckily, after searching for the spare key and trying to get into a window, I found an open door on the back of the house. I probably should have tried it first, but I thought I remembered locking it.

Despite the guilt, I'm extremely thankful for a family and the roommate who want to spend the holiday with me; thankful for the roommate's friends and family for inviting me to a lovely and delicious dinner; and thankful for having a dog/house sitting gig with the three best-behaved dogs in the world.

It's hard to please everyone. Next year, I'll try harder. Hopefully, I won't lock anyone out.

Days of our Lies

Ever since TiVo entered our house, I have recorded my favorite soap, "Days of our Lives." Every night after work, I curl up on the couch with the dogs and dive into this ridiculous indulgence. I've been with the show on and off for 30 of its 40 years. However, in soap star fashion, I may develop amnesia and forget to watch it.

Here's my problem: Roman is Roman. He's not Alex North. And, these flashbacks of the wonderful wedding between Roman and Marlena are just that -- the wedding of Roman and Marlena, not Alex North and Marlena.

Since I'm ranting, Chris Kosichek is not Roman. He's a bartender at Shenanigan's who, I believe, eventually became a lawyer...Maybe around 1987?

I can accept the fact that Belle's pregnancy only lasted three months. I can accept that Abby turned into a teenager overnight. I can accept that Brady went to baseball camp and came back an angry adult. I can even accept that just about everyone on the show has come back from the dead -- sometimes multiple times. But I can't accept the show rewriting history.

Does Ken Corday think that the rest of us, like Marlena, have amnesia? Hey, Mr. Corday, my mom has a copy of the book "25 Years of Days of our Lives." I can have her reference it anytime.

There better be some devil-possessing, Stephano-finagling thing going on that is causing everyone to forget themselves. Roman better turn out to be Roman. Chris Kosichek better turn out to be himself. And, bring back Shenanigan's for goodness sake; Alice's doesn't compare.

Wild about Harry. Riled about Dobson.

I love Harry Potter. The fourth book, "Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire," is probably my favorite. I love that the kids are growing up, and that the storylines are growing with them.

Last night, Sorta Runner and I went to see the latest movie. We both found it enjoyable, a little slow at the end, but beautiful to watch.

While catching up on the latest news at HuffPo, my eyes darted straight to an article entitled, "Radical Right Warns Harry Potter Film is Dark Sided." I immediately had to click on it, even though the extreme right has preached against the series since it began.

The review, which is from the fine folks at Focus on the Family, seemed dead on in the beginning, accurately portraying the events of the movie... I thought HuffPo linked the wrong story. Then I read about the so-called "Sexual Content," "Violent Content," "Use of Profanity" and "Other Negative Elements," all topped off with "The Conclusion."

To read the review, go to www.huffingtonpost.com.

Personally, I find the books and movies exhibit strong values and morals. Harry fights evil, works hard, questions authority and ultimately makes the right decisions. But, he's not perfect, which makes the books seem human and real, despite the fantasy. Those who read the books get to broaden their imaginations and slip into an imaginary world that's safe, exciting and entertaining.

I feel as though Dr. James Dobson has put his followers under the Imperius Curse. I hope the nation can be as strong and moral as Harry when he issues the Avada Kadavra on everything that's not pro-Focus on the Family.